He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
