If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
