if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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