You're earring is so big in my mouth
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
