my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
