Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We're too hungover to prance.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
