Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
