should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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