our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
How does it feel to date your dad?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
