Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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