It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
