A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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