My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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