Got a toothbrush?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
