"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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