just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
