I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
