the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
