He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
