your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
How drunk are you?
Completed.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
