Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
