I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
