Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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