he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
