both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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