The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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