never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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