the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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