all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
