Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
