I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
