after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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