tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
