Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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