youre lurking in front of me
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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