I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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