Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
