i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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