i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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