Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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