I'm sorry my penis didn't work
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
