Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
