my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
