He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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