Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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