Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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