you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
