Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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