There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
