somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
