Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
