I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
