He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
