i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
