Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
