you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
